Humor Quote

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“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.”-Albert Einstein-

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”-Narcotics Anonymous-

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”-Groucho Mars-

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”-Steve Martin-

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.” -Mark Twain-

“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.” -Garrison Keillor-

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”-Jim Henson-

“Saying ‘I notice you’re a nerd’ is like saying, ‘Hey, I notice that you’d rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you’d rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?’ In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even ‘lame’ is kind of lame. Saying ‘You’re lame’ is like saying ‘You walk with a limp.’ Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he’s done all right for himself.”-John Greene-

“Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”-Paul Terry-

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”-Terry Prachette-

“I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. ”-W.C Fields-

“Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make?”-Terry Johnson-

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they’re ok, then it’s you.”-Rita Brown-

“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like.”-Lemony Snicket-

“This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.”-George Higgins-

“Never memorize something that you can look up.”-Albert Einstein-

“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named “Bush”, “Dick”, and “Colin.” Need I say more?”=Chris Rock-

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”-Billy Sunday-

“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”-E.B. White-

“Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you’d get dressed up in a nurse’s outfit and give me a sponge bath?” asked Jace.
“It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath.”
“As soon as I’m back on my feet, handsome,” said Simon.
“I knew we should have left you a rat.”

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”-George Carlin-

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”-Laurence Peter-

“When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, “Why“When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, “Why god? Why me?” and the thundering voice of God answered, There’s just something about you that pisses me off. god? Why me?” and the thundering voice of God answered, There’s just something about you that pisses me off.” -Stephen King-

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.” -Douglas Adams-

“Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.”-Dr. Seuss-

“I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.”-Maya Angelou-

“Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money!” -George Carlin-

“Out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw Jace shoot her a look of white rage – but when she glanced at him, he looked as he always did: easy, confident, slightly bored.
“In future, Clarissa,” he said, “it might be wise to mention that you already have a man in your bed, to avoid such tedious situations.”
“You invited him into bed?” Simon demanded, looking shaken.
“Ridiculous, isn’t it?” said Jace. “We would never have all fit.”
“I didn’t invite him into bed,” Clary snapped. “We were just kissing.”
“Just kissing?” Jace’s tone mocked her with its false hurt. “How swiftly you dismiss our love.”-Cassandra Clare-

“It is a great thing to start life with a small number of really good books which are your very own.”-Arthur Doyle-

“Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind.”-Miguel de Cervantes-

“Every now and then I like to do as I’m told, just to confuse people.”-Tamora Pierce-

 


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