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Chasing ME



I have plenty of disappointments, eventual achievements and many lessons learned. Today when i woke up i tried to listen to the absolute confidence voice with in me. It’s been almost half a year that i live in shadow. Maybe, i’m also in denial. I ignore the truth for it hurts me so much. I put a different image in my mind and from there i created a different scene. Wishful thinking provides significant changed but it never last.
I devoured every books i could lay on my hands to enhance my knowlege in dealing with my broken heart. Dr. Phil Mc Graw, Joyce Meyer, Mitch Albom so many to mention author yet i arrived empty handed. It only helped to relax my mind but the truth on these matter i always go back to the first step. I felt totally disconnected with my body, like my mind has its own world and my heart wants a different environment too.
I was deceived and humiliated in a very lowest form i could imagine but has given forgiveness easilly. Is it because i love the person so much or because i was raised not to entertain madness in my heart? Is it really wrong to get mad? I always keep mum and stay patient even if its suffocates me because hiding my real ordeal give me sense of assurance that i am capable of moving on. But the sad part i forgot the sense of leaning on to somebody. I shut them out in my system for i dont want them to be part of my burden but as my Mama told me, they too can feel the pain. The more i kept it from them, the more i remain powerless to unload my burden.
It just got to the point where i needed to choose and sometimes there isn’t a way to compromise. Broken promises and selfish embraces affects my entire existence. My mind was stuck and stunned. I stared myself in a mirror, bewildered. I am trying to understand why my steps remain unsteady. The wide open path in my front confused me futher.
Yes, it is a truth that i’m still hurting but its also a naked truth that i made my first step in closing the door. I did the first move not the other way around. I remembered vividly the promises i made too but i have no option only to break and unlock the chain that put me in imaginary cell.
I don’t want to escape and run anymore. I will face it head up high. I’m tired of pretending, tired of waiting for you to change. Sure, its not easy, it doesn’t happen overnight but i believe it will come. Acceptance is the key to find my purpose in life and determination will get me there in the rainbow. (hahaha) Today, i am my own master!
The rainbow is waiting. I knew this time around its for real. I will continue chasing my destiny untill time comes i can say, FINALLY I AM HOME!


14 Comments

  1. DETH September 15, 2009
  2. Bhing September 15, 2009
  3. Dhianz September 15, 2009
  4. Bhing September 15, 2009
  5. RUEL September 15, 2009
  6. A-Z-E-L September 15, 2009
  7. Bhing September 16, 2009
  8. Bhing September 16, 2009
  9. bizjoker-of-the-philippines September 16, 2009
  10. Bhing September 16, 2009
  11. EǝʞsuǝJ September 16, 2009
  12. Rej September 16, 2009
  13. Everlito (ever) Villacruz September 16, 2009
  14. Life Moto September 16, 2009

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