Sometimes I just like to sit here and listen to tragic, romantic, depressing music just so that the feeling flares to an extreme inside of me. I want to keep the fire that burns deep inside of me alive. I feel like life, and people and things are trying to smother that flame. I can’t help but want to feel the intense pain of not having you here. If I focus on all the physical pain, it helps me to keep you close. Having little, small memories, in safe keeping in my mind. If I relive the hurt everyday I can still keep you. It’s a pain that I willingly put myself through just to remember every curvature of your face.
Today I’m very emotional. I’m not feeling to good, and it’s days like this that I wish you were here to make me feel better. Bring me soup, cuddle with me even though you might get sick. I wish that you could just be here with me. I wonder if you even realize that I want this. I try to pretty much yell it at you. I wish you would even skype me, making funny faces and telling me stories that distract me from the fact that my immune system is attacking itself. I just wish that you were here. It would be better than any medicine to treat me.