What should I do? I must confess my life is like a boat. There’s no definite direction. I’m just hanging & floating. I’m tired of this kind of scenario but it is the sentimentality of which I am not ashamed. I value everything but satisfaction of inner self is what I am longing. Where I can find a true meaning of happiness and contentment? I knew then, that in my mind it could be a positive instrument of happiness and bridging over the dark. But why often times there’s a force stopping me to go further more. Maybe, I’m not living in a world of reality. Who can justify my behavior if I myself find it very much conflicting.
I live too fast because I don’t know where I am going. So, I have to hurry to get there, but when i am there i don’t really know what I’m doing. Is it worth it? I can’t understand the meaning of truthful YES. I’ve met storm that damaged my being. I’ve encountered hurricane that buried my dreams. When I’m beginning to evaluate myself, earthquake test the limit of my soul. I’ve been trapped with truth & lies, worst & best, even heaven & hell. I can’t choose between good & bad. I saw demon, I saw Angel that’s why my boat never stop but never going anywhere. I saw half truth, that’s the courage why i keep on going.
I’m in the scene of 50/50. As my boat sailed on I knew what I what to but unexpected waves came. I’m not ready to face it. I’m not willing to let it go, at the same time I can’t stand firm & sailed on. As I saw the light I want to follow but as I’ve tried it seems more dimming, very far. When I saw darkness its more tempting & easy to walk on but still the force keep on blocking. The waves, the water and the air talk to me. Why? Why you wouldn’t go?
Out of this shaken world which nobody around me. Someone must rescue me. sounds stupid, sounds crazy, but I want to escape on this boat & survive from the storm. How? I don’t know how to swim. I don’t want to die without trying. I have two options stay in my boat and wait ’till the time comes or try to move on facing life & death. I can’t go on using same paddle & i can’t go back using the same route. A shark might kills me. I have this choice GO OR NOT, I chose the OR because it’s more safer but OR means nothing, it’s useless.
Now, my boat is sinking.
Please, rescue me!
Someone is coming!
I don’t know who?
I can’t look straight into His eyes because I am a sinner, a prodigal daughter. His lending with open arms but still I can’t reach Him.
I want to go with Him, let me go!
I heard Him saying, “you’re not going anywhere” Have faith my child, you can overcome everything, come follow me!